Self delusion is my optimism

2007-07-07T16:11:00.000+08:00

It's time to move on and away..relocated elsewhere to write my very own journal of myprevarication

2007-07-03T18:14:00.000+08:00

Great night out with old pals at siglap last night.It's been more than a year since parting ways yet somehow it's still the same old laughter just like old times.

And here's some lame photos mich took when she got bored..

Nope that ain't me..

In case you don't know,this is shang

Pigging out on dessert...

Pigging on even more dessert,but not without saying,"You guys are making use of me,i'm gonna have to charge you all"(When we offered our dessert to him)

A picture mich and yani took awhile back..

P.s: Dear old friend,is it too much to ask for,that you don't be over occupied with your phone calls.It's been awhile since we all last hung out,and somehow i think we,if not,i expected more from you.

2007-06-21T12:13:00.000+08:00

What happens when you put 3 idiotic good friends at one of their place?You get a whole load of horrid singing (or screeching in shang's case) and a session of 'gaying' around.Went over to supposedly do some math in a bid to prevent the worst case scenario from happening next week,which would involve either me or shang sitting in the hall pressing away vigorously at our calculators.No not calculating out an answer to the question,but more of calculating the least possible marks we would end up with.

So armed with an old radio,the really old kind that is made of wood and is 8 years of age,ipods,and notes,we set about trying to accomplish the arduous task.Everything looked set to go and almost too good to be true.Fast forward 2 hours later,and you get a picturesque imperfect,of 3 morons sitting there munching on snacks and two idiots making desperate attempts at mimicking the singing of aerosmith.And after watching 2 episodes on friends,it got to our heads on whose getting what if one of us dies.Shang's dog shall be given away if he dies,and ben's hot sister was up for grabs,while for a poor fella like me,there was only a stupid ipod nano they could get.We came to an amicable agreement that i'll get shang's dog since ben's younger sister chloe who,has up to date,killed 3 hamsters i think came into light.

Anyway,the day was sort of wasted,if you look at it in terms of work accomplished.But somehow i prefer to look at it otherwise.It's been a while since we spent time together doing stupid stuff and laughing.And i realised,that true friends are those whom you can be yourself,and not worry about your image or shit like that.You could laugh with them,poke fun at each other and basically make boring stuff become a fun thing to do.I'll end it off here with a quote i saw,
"Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see, but only you can feel its warmth."

And maybe another one..

The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
- Murphy's Military Laws

2007-06-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

Can't exactly describe how i feel right now,the countless attempts at one physics question after another is making me feel exasperated.It gets vexing after consecutive futile attempts at solving the same question,and then i move on to another question just to realise i'm back at square one yet again.If i had a genie right now,i'd wish for a physics teacher with the brains of einstein that looks like Jessica alba.Oh wait,i think i'd wish for a more physics oriented brain of my own.

You know you're pretty much screwed when the holidays enter the final week,and there's still loads to be done.And you can count on life to suck at times like this,with a mid year exam to usher you back to term 3 of school.I'm now seriously re-evaluating my choice of JC,and i'll give 2 bucks (which is all i have in my wallet now) to relinquish my choice for the opportunity to opt for poly.

Seriously,somebody or anybody,just buy me a bicycle so i can cycle away from all this shit.(Leaving on a jet plane sounds too corny and over-used,so i'll stick to something conventional and environmental friendly)

2007-06-16T12:42:00.000+08:00

Some funny comedian you gotta see!

2007-06-13T14:50:00.001+08:00

What do you do when you don't have a chair at the beach?You make yourself one of course!

I tried out the "chair",and riza's expression says it all!

Everyone's up for volleyball,well almost everyone

2007-06-13T14:19:00.000+08:00

After drifting in and out of conscioshusness on the bus,and just staring out the window motionless, watching as the headlights of passing cars flash by,I'm finally back.After the 5 hours ride,I'm back on this little dot i call home,where travelling on the highway would at most take an hour or slightly more.The torturous ride was exacerbated by the surrounding sea of darkness that offered no hints or signs of life.There were no lamp posts that stood along the roads,and its just the rumbling noise of the engine serenading the night.

The trip there was probably less strenuous on the mind and body as i slept away most of the lengths of the trip.Reaching the destination marked yet another long wait,as we reached way before the time slot of getting a hotel room.And so the first day is pretty much summarised by a truckload of waiting and hindered rest.

I spent much of the day wandering around the theme park with mom and cousins,of which the cousins seemed to have some huge unknown reserve of energy that drove them on and on.Ride after ride they took,and they never showed signs of weariness,which really amazed me for i was just dying to get some rest.I spent most of the first day in the company of my mom,as we walked around and did our shopping.I couldn't remember the last time i spent quality time with her,back in Singapore with my hectic schedule i never had the time to accompany her for shopping or just having tea.Yet her care and concern never once wavered all this time as it showed during this time we spent.I was just gutted at myself,somehow all this while I've never really been that good a son.

The two days passed quickly and we were all holding out luggages preparing to come back home.The air was great that day,cool and crisp,and as i walked screams greeted me as if to say goodbye.Somehow i felt reluctant to leave,just like all the previous times it was a swirl of emotions for i felt at home there.It was Singapore to me,minus the stress and expectations and it felt good to be away from everything for awhile.Perhaps if it were longer ..

2007-06-13T13:58:00.001+08:00

An overview of the place

Somehow i think i'll take the ride in the foreground over the one in the background

Yea if only it weren't for kids.And thats my bro in the middle!

The closest thing to being superman,and how could i resist?Loved this ride!

My lil brother's first bumper car ride

The haunted adventure

After sipping both Starbucks' and Coffeebean's brew,it got me thinking on how the difference of the two other than the labels on their cups.

2007-06-09T21:02:00.000+08:00

It's my first day here at Genting,and somehow i've managed to find some lan shop and am thus able to get back to 'civilisation' again.The weather's great,too good in fact judging from the fact that you could walk a mile here under the non-existent sun and not sweat a single drop.

Somehow just as i predicted,i'm now bored and lonely which you could probably have inferred by now seeing that i'm actually in a lan shop tolerating people mapling around me.But then i realised that maybe sometimes,it's not all about yourself being happy and enjoying.Today was one of the rare occasions i spent quality time with my mom.Since she wasn't into casinos and i didn't have my usual cousins to hang out with,we stuck together for almost the whole day.Took rides with her at the theme park,and somehow i realised that as one got older,(or maybe it's just me) your balls kinda shrink.I stood in awe at people trying out that ride which propels you up and then drops you down not before holding you in suspense with your ass sweating it out.The last time i came,i took it with my brother gamely.And that very last time,i was a changed person.Alright back to the topic about me and my mom.So yea today i finally felt like a son,accompanying her on a wild shopping spree and the many indoor rides.And i have to emphasize buying clothes here is just great,and its a plus to have your mom along.=x The clothes here are pretty much cheaper here somehow,and there's actually more variety for guys.

And now that i've mentioned shopping,i now officially am a staunch non-advocate of our very own 'GREAT' Singapore Sales.In the past few weeks of trying to buy a shirt or two to satisfy the shopping urges,as well as to make myself feel better that i've bought something during the GSS.And i've came to realise that the GSS is just a whole load of crap,a mere facade put on by the morons who try to make use of us,the patrons to clear the old stocks.More often that not,the stupid discounts are on specific items only,and these specific items tend to be some shirt that comes in sizes XS XL XXL or in weird colours that even your grand-dad wouldn't want to be in.
Alright now that i've gotten that off my chest,i feel ,much much better!

I'm off to contemplate on my activities for later,which would most probably be sitting at starbucks sipping hot coffee and reading through my econs notes or perhaps,just sleeping back in the room again.

P.S i really do hate the GSS now.

2007-06-06T21:05:00.000+08:00

Darn it,i think i'm growing fatter!I never fail to feel this way during the holidays,somehow the sitting around and just basically the high levels of inactivity are major contributing factors.The holidays just don't seem the same as before,it feels like im incarcerated instead of being free.And i'm sinking into mild depression i think,every now and then i'd be reminded of all the work that's waiting to be done and all the torturous hours i have to fork out.And i can't even sleep or do stuff without feeling guilty,which is really a reflection of how screwed up life is for me now.Even going to the gym to work out eats at my conscience,probably because it's almost my second home now judging from the hours i spend there.

Right now i'm actually contemplating on whether or not i should lug my work over to Genting this friday,which is really an irony.The theory behind that,is that since the cousins i'm closer to couldn't make it for the trip,i would most probably be left lonely.And since i'll have time to burn,why not study there right?Darn,my life is seriously sad,i think.I never actually used to advocate mugging,but right now,i'm a changed man.Changed in the mentality,but somehow mentality doesn't equate to actions.Alright before you peeps gimme the -_- look for this pointless post,i'm gonna end it off with a quote i saw that i can really relate to right now,

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.

2007-05-31T11:37:00.000+08:00

Was browsing through some forum yesterday and i stumbled upon an interesting question asked by some ignorant moron,alright fine i've asked that question once too.So here it goes,

why nan ren bu huai nu ren bu ai???
.
.
and after a few moronic answers later..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
good men : either gay or married

bad men : always available

I guess that two liner says it all!Unless there's a better answer of course,which i welcome you to enlighten me with.

2007-05-29T21:33:00.000+08:00

Turned on the tv tonight,and remembered the drama i watched religiously every night has just ended yesterday.And i realised i do miss it alot,especially the emo song that plays every single time there was a sad moment.It's corny and all,but it's still nice!

2007-05-28T11:18:00.000+08:00

The long awaited and overdue holidays are finally knocking on the door,as eager as i am to welcome it,there's a part of me that resists.For all the holidays i've had in my life,this is probably the worst.With terms and conditions handcuffed to it,and bogged down by the weight of common tests right after the holidays,it's gonna be a miracle to enjoy this short one month which will no doubt fly by.

The first day of my holiday,which is today,is pretty much crap.I'm parked right here,with my eyes glued and mouth wide open gaping at the immense work assignments and deadlines.This is probably the first time in my whole pathetic life that i'm actually planning.Can't see how this can be avoided with less than a month before a huge test that threatens to short-circuit my overloaded brain.But then as usual,i digress from official business,having just finished watching a Southpark episode which serves its purpose and cracks me up like always.
Publish Post
On top of worrying about school stuff i'm constantly worrying about keeping in shape.I swear i must be half anorexic for i always seem fat to myself.(Alright perhaps i am,being 63kg the last time i weighed myself) I'm struggling to find time to burn calories and churn out muscles from fats but then most of my friends prefer to remain unavailable when i call.

Much as i would like to keep up and finish a longer post,my brain juices are currently dry and are no longer able to sustain a decent post.Meanwhile i'm off to finish another episode of Southpark!

2007-05-21T17:26:00.000+08:00

Introducing Southpark's parody of 300!

2007-05-21T17:13:00.000+08:00

Some funny shit if you have time to kill.

2007-05-17T19:59:00.000+08:00

Math test was horrible,and what's better than a picture to illustrate how bad it was for some people.Afterall a picture speaks a thousand words. =)

2007-05-16T19:45:00.000+08:00

Nokia N93's Advertisement!Only it's Hip,it's Hokkien!

2007-05-14T15:07:00.000+08:00

The sun hid behind the covers,and the air was cool and crisp.After stretching out i began undertaking my arduous journey,and its destination was the exact same spot i stood on.The first round was conquered with ease,but subsequent ones began to take their toll on my fatigued body.As i continued to run,it seemed that somehow i was in my own world.Gone was the consciousness of everything around me,and the sounds i heard were the rhythmic beats that seemed to urge me on.And the intensity of panting,grew with each breath.

The thing about running,is that with each step you take,the will to go on grows thinner.And the battle of physical elements soon metamorphs into a battle that rages within,a battle of the mind and body.And the greatest feeling is when you overcome it and achieve what you set out to do.

Staring idly into space,i finally found time to be alone and to dwell deep into thought.A luxury i haven't enjoyed since a long time.Life's been moving at a lightning quick pace and there were just hardly any chances to slow down and relax.And i realised that in life,no matter how hectic our schedules are,perhaps we should slow down and take a break.Stop to enjoy a nice view,slow down to enjoy a gentle breeze and of course to leave time for deep thinking.Things change,people change,and it's good to re-evaluate ourselves every now and then and set our life's compass back to showing north again.

Life is short,and so are the many beautiful moments of our lives.More often than not we hold grudges that all of these are bound to the sands of time,but it is precisely because of this,that they are even more beautiful.Time is the personification of beauty,if only we learnt to see.And i'm pretty glad i dragged myself for the run,somehow the simple task has managed to invigorate the soul and for now,everything just seems a picturesque of perfection.For now..

`For all the moments that you wished would last forever,don't.
The fact that time takes it all away,makes it all the more precious.

2007-05-10T19:44:00.000+08:00

Recently,i joined this "coalition" or "resistance group" and this was pretty much inexorable as the urge to sleep in is like an impetus.Our group is based in the heartland of Tampines,otherwise called Tampines Interchange.And almost everyone of us,is armed with a watch,and along with a strong faith,we stand and wait.

And every now and then we'd glance anxiously at our watches waiting for the savior to arrive.When it does arrive,we board it and the process repeats.Just that this time we await for our destination,a place surrounded by fences and a security guard at the entrance.The wait finally ends with a brisk walk to the gates and with some luck the way isn't shut by the gatekeeper.And then this cycle repeats everyday,which could explain why i'm now an advocate of strong faith currently.

And just yesterday,i kinda realised that breaking rules is kinda fun and thrilling in a way.Apparently the gates were sort of closed cause it just wasn't time for us to be released.But the group of us reached a consensus about that in two words."Screw it!"And so we began our close imitation of prison break,only we're smarter.We didn't need months,or any tattooing of the school's blueprints.And we did what any right thinking student wouldn't do,that is attempting to walk past the guard and hope he won't notice us.Equipped with our backpacks,and feeling like nothing could stop us,we approached the gates and prayed for a miracle.Well,god must have liked one of us,cause a car drove in and that was enough diversion for us to sneak out.But not without him shouting "OEI YOU!OEI!" at us.The thrill of getting into trouble is addictive,and flouting rules gets the adrenaline pumped.

Alright,i've tried my best at squeezing out an entry and i've done it.Spiderman3 again tomorrow with mates,can't wait!

2007-05-08T21:01:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered how MSN messenger came about?Well today during econs lecture,gang and i found out.

2007-05-06T22:05:00.000+08:00

Caught Spiderman 3 yesterday and i have to say it can't get any cooler.For all those people who said it sucked,well this IS the BEST of the three already,and if you loved the previous 2 you're gonna love this.There's more plot more action and more emotions,all of you guys have to catch it!

Weekends as expected,are over as quickly as it came and i'm just dreading waking up early tomorrow.Back to the torturous regime of work,all in the name of "its for my own good".Right now it's just the wait for the rainbow after the rain..

2007-05-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

"=)"

"New word of the day is frolicking"

"L.O.V.E spells it out"

"Tried learning a song from shauna shifu"

"That's hilmi doing his superman pose"

"The busker and his kid"

"slacking..."

"oink"

Service learning is finally over after a month's worth of Sundays.Well waking up early on a Sunday and opening a booth at Chinatown square is definitely NOT fun.But sitting around with friends is!Chatting,gossiping,cam-whoring and learning a song sure is!

2007-04-26T19:28:00.000+08:00

Hi peeps,my blog's becoming pretty dead and i'm back with a short pathetic post in an attempt to resuscitate it.(Although i know it might make some people delirious with it dead)
Well being the optimistic person that i'm not,the bright side of not updating can be attributed to me being totally worn out from school work.But truth be told,reality and optimism don't mix,and the part where i'm overloaded with school work is just bullshit.

The real truth is that i'm hooked on prison break,and i'm doing a 2 hour marathon almost everyday trying to finish up the 2nd season.School's pretty much crap,and i'm bogged down by going to volleyball competitions recently.What's so bad about getting to skip a couple of lessons you might ask,and the answer is,its bad cause its a one way ticket to some place right smack in nowhere near NUS.The trip home is torturous,and lets just say CCA life ain't going pretty well for me,compounding to the other factors that make it all crap.

And i hope this short post i wrote out of desperation is enough to make-do for now.Prison break is beckoning..

2007-04-14T13:50:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what to make of the life i'm living right now,both physically and mentally.Physically,i couldn't be doing any worse,i've suffering from knee abrasions,sore wrist,twisted thumb and an overstretched body.Volleyball is taking my life,and to make matters worse the stress and pressure is on me yet again to raise my game.I get blamed for almost everything when it comes to dropping points in a game,and hardly any credit for all the shit i do.All that diving on the court is killing me,i assure you that throwing yourself around just to save a ball with no regard to injuries is no joking matter.But the point is,i don't hope for any recognition,i hope for just nothing more than a win.Competition's coming up,but i'm still low on morale,and to make things worse,we're up against the champions of last year."It never rains,it pours",this saying should probably be declared the epitome of life.For me at least.

Mentally,i'm doing no better.It's been a month since i went out to have fun,and weekends seem to be spent mostly at home.Well not exactly to study,but more of recuperating the tired body and soul,and regaining my sanity from grim reality.The pressure is on,now that A levels are starting to draw close and my studies are in the dumps.Procrastinating revision seems to be a habit now,with me telling myself repeatedly week after week i'd start soon.

soon - Definition from Dictionary.com
1. Within a short period of time
2.Before long,in the near future.

soon - Definition from my own dictionary
1.Within a period of time.Period ranges from any amount of time.

2007-04-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

Holding on to a file,i sat there with a bunch of other guys,probably of the same age as me.Some with looks of nervousness,others looked lost,and some just nonchalant."NEXT!",and the guy beside me grabbed his file and went to get his blood drawn.

There i was,sitting in line waiting for my turn and the whole process of the medical checkup was pretty much just waiting.The resounding "NEXT!" came,and i entered with my eyes fixed on the fella leaving the room,with his hands clenched around his arm.It was kinda scary seeing the huge tube that the doctor was about to stick in my arm,but any nervousness was dispelled when the doctor diverted my attention with his small talk.

"Wah,your arm smooth ah!And so muscular!You're girlfriend touch sure damn shiok!" he lamented as he tried to look for my vein.And just as i tried to figure out if smooth skin was actually a compliment for a guy,the huge injection like "thing" was poking into my vein and blood was just spurting out inside as it slowly filled to its brim."Ok done!Proceed to the next place.."

Went through a series of other tests,eye test,dental test,a chest X-ray and then got stripped down half naked with suction like things stuck on me.Yea,just like the ones you see in movies,but less cool looking.

"Alright,stand against the wall,and pull down your pants.Then i need you to cough",the guy decked in his army uniform behind the desk requested calmly.It was pretty embarrassing,i mean standing like naked in front of a guy,whose job was to check out your manhood isn't exactly mundane.

Everything ended off with an aptitude test which was a killer.In a bid for them to sieve out people who are plain stupid or dumb,Mindef puts everyone through a series of boring tests.Sitting in front of a long outdated computer,and doing almost repetitive questions for over an hour,is tantamount to sitting through two periods of econs lecture.Only worse,you can sleep in a lecture but you can't sleep during the test.

And right after the medical,you can't help but wonder what life is gonna be like a year from now.Bald,stinky,and coooped up with a bunch of guys.All freedom lost,and someone moron is constantly barking orders and breathing down your neck.It kinda scares me a little,a life devoid luxuries like sleeping in,and freedom of speech.Where you can just mutter your displeasure bout anything or anyone.And most importantly,life's gonna be hard,being bald...

2007-04-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

Darn hilarious pictures i saw on my friend's blog,so i decided to steal them.

2007-04-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

When michael jackson was still black...courtesy of my friend,who showed me the vid and it kept me laughing all night.

2007-04-01T10:58:00.000+08:00

An email that someone forward to me,and it kinda made me realise my eyesight is really going down the drain..Oh!If you can't see it,close your eyes and peep at it!

2007-03-28T22:05:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been looked down upon,and discriminated by someone?And was that person your teacher?Well,i have.

Well it so happens,i got a teacher,who simply doesn't like me for various reasons.And cloaked under that big fake smile of hers,i see something that goes deeper.Clad somewhere in all her sarcasm,i smell detest.She simply sees me as a good for nothing,incapable of taking up any responsibilities.

Basing her judgements on daily work,or should i say work that concerns econs,you're deemed capable and adept at handling any form of responsibilities,or you're just good for nothing.If you're a goodie-two-shoes who doesn't procrastinate handing in of assignments,good for you,because that's gonna earn you a star in her books.Otherwise,if you're like me who occasionally do not hand in her assignments,you're condemned.

Other than just econs works,daily issues like whether or not you have your hair cut when she whines bout it,and stuff like whether you talk to the neighbouring class during flag raising.And of course,the main point which i'm gonna illustrate of her biased and twisted mentality of me.Chinese classes.One thing that irks her,and pleases me,is my A level chinese grade.Not that i did extremely well,but i did well enough to wipe the smile off her face.You see,apparently after i skipped like 3 chinese lessons last year,she concluded that perhaps theoretically,(which hwa chong people would most probably base most of their judgements on) i would most probably flunk chinese,and the best grade i should get was a D.And by some stroke of luck,or fortune,which in this case a misfortune for her i got a B.And apparently,she firmly believes,that Shi Rui the slacker doesn't deserve that.While this "slacker" got a B,her "model" students didn't seem to do better or as well,and that has most probably got on her nerves.

And recently i got a china buddy,whom i decided to "apply" for in hope of improving my mandarin (which is pretty horrendus) and having something else to list in my School Graduation Certificate.And being the sort of person she is,the moment she found out the china scholar was assigned to me,she began her grilling session of "I thought"s.And some went like this, "I thought you have to be well behaved and have good conduct" and "I thought that you have to be proficient at chinese".To which i rebutted with my own dose of sarcasm,"I did get a B grade you know."Seeing her walk away speechless and exasperated put a smile to my face.To me it was a sign of triumph.

Motivation to do well for the A levels has never been greater,the satisfaction derived from proving someone who belittles your abilities and capabilities wrong is too great to resist.A small battle won,and many more to go with my beloved tutor...

2007-03-27T20:36:00.000+08:00

It never rains,it pours.And if you seem to have walked to some place with a neverending pouring rain,welcome to my life.

It seems that all my endeavours,are either going down the drain,thrown out of the window,flushed down the toilet.... ...you get my point.When everything goes wrong and nothing seems to go right,what do you do?Someone please save my ass,cause i'm wallowing in this sea of self pity.Right now i realise why people have a tendency to blame it on fate and all that crap and then sweep their hands and say there's nothing i can do.And i'm beginning to feel guilt as temptation to do the same takes over.

Life is pretty much screwed up.To further support that statement,i shall attempt to paint a picture that's not too distorted or fugly that i saw on my way home.Walking that same old path home,i saw a funeral.What's the big deal bout a funeral you ask?Well i sorta noticed people gambling,drinking and in short,making merry.And then you might ask whats the big deal,people do that all the time.And my answer to that is because today i suddenly had an epiphany.My thought drifted and then i began to wonder to myself,why the hell are people making merry when someone's dead.It makes no sense at all,at least to me.I mean for christ's sake,or allah's sake or guanyinma's sake,it's a funeral and someone just died.The least a person can do is to at least pretend to be sad if he's a stranger to you.

Okay i'm just venting my emotions on unrelated stuf,pardon me for making you read this shit.I'm gonna hit the showers now and put an end to this day of mine.

2007-03-26T20:27:00.000+08:00

IT'S FINALLY HERE!!

My class is gonna start selling at the booth this sunday,and for those of you who still have no idea what it's all about,here's a roundup!

We're selling stuff we made to raise funds for a field trip that would see us bringing a group of kids (From M.I.N.Ds organisation) It's a meaningful event that i hope you peeps can support,and at the same time buy some nice boxes!To view some of the ones that's already been made,and for more information,do drop by our exhibition blog!

2007-03-24T17:33:00.000+08:00

What hurts the most by Rascal Flatts

Listened to the song,and i loved it.Saw the MV and i nearly cried..

2007-03-24T17:16:00.001+08:00

What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most was being
so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

I'm saying that loving you
That’s what I was tryin' to do

2007-03-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

I said before,i'd never be like that guy who once caused me so much pain.That pain i will forever remember,and its scar i bear in reminder to that hurt that seared through me.And that very same reason,is the one that would draw this distance,between me and you.

This feeling of helplessness,and my head hung lower than ever before,is justified by the feeble reason that i'm just too late.I don't know why,a tear glided down.Was it for you,or was it for myself?Perhaps it's for my inability,or maybe it's because i'm down on my knees,with faith broken and hope abandoned.

Kissed by the Angel that brings sorrow.Maybe thats the reason why,sadness knows me by name..

2007-03-22T18:56:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Best Bud!

2007-03-21T20:09:00.000+08:00

A mockery of me,life seems to be making,leaving me at the crossroads with the soul weary.Each path ahead,fraught without looming clouds and the smog of uncertainty is killing me slow.

Your smile i yearned to see,and on my mind you'd always seem to linger.And just when it felt,like a dream come true,all signs of happy emotions soon dissapated.Caught in a dilemma i can't seem to solve,with the consequences of regret and disappointment building up in the shadows.
Shackled by a vow i made,and maimed by a pain that once held me close.

I wished i could show you just how i feel,through the windows of my eyes,in lieu of words that're bound to be ridiculed.

2007-03-19T20:35:00.000+08:00

I have finally survived the first day of school after the one week "break",and i somewhat consider this a feat.Bombarded with enough econs work to use as a week's worth of toilet paper,and then an essay test on econs once again today,it is therefore relief i'm feeling as the day draws close to an end.

And thank god i still had enough sense in me to hold back the urge to blurt out "is 2 pages enough to stuff up your ass?" (Sorry for being crude) as a response to her sarcastic remark of her "2 pages only?" How the heck are we supposed to cope with being incarcerated in econs,and i'm truly hating my econs teacher right now.With a probability of close to 1 that i've flunked the econs faculty test,and the perpetual debt of econs related work.I guess i should be expecting a backlash of no less than a barrage of her sarcasm this coming saturday when she meets my mom.

And its the start of the week,but i'm already looking forward to the end...

There's something bout how you manage to stay on my mind,and how you draw me closer when you're so far away.

2007-03-14T23:14:00.000+08:00

Classmate michelle's birthday on monday and we decided to throw her a surprise birthday party!No idea if she was surprised though cause i was pretty late. =x Though all we did there was just repeatedly throwing people into the pool,i guess it wasn't all too bad at all.And yes!My class is filled with camwhores with people like hilmi and riza (The two morons flexing their biceps)

2007-03-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

The one i conjured up!

We started making our boxes for the upcoming bazaar we're gonna have to raise funds for a bunch of handicapped kids.And i'm proud to say the artistically impaired rui managed to paint a decent box that didn't look too screwed up!Well the boxes we made didn't turn out very nicely,but at least our first attempt wasn't half bad at all.

Well putting that aside,anyone wanna buy one? =x Afterall it's for charity!

2007-03-13T13:36:00.000+08:00

Holidays and money both share a common trait,and that is both of them should be earned by yourself.Before,when i never had any work experience,i never really appreciated the money bestowed on me by my beloved mom.After,when i got my first paycheck,a sense of satisfaction rushed through me.After the countless of hours spent,and mind warped by the mental torture of standing around doing "nothing",the money in my hands weighed more than gold.

This one week holiday that i've looked forward to all month,and the whole of last month,though short,is one i've come to appreciate as well.Ironically,it's even better than the two month long one i had after the 'O' levels.And its probably cause i've earned this holiday with sweat(sweat cause every test i take,would have dire consequences in the coming meet-the-parents session),and i've toiled long enough for a "short break"(a short break thats laden with a truckload of work)

Every now and then my civics tutor who happens to also be my econs tutor,would take a swipe at me whenever she has a chance.And it wouldn't be half bad if the things directed at me weren't peppered with sarcasm.

Life's seriously a whore sometimes,or perhaps on most occasions.Studies ain't going that well,and thats just one thing out of the smorgasbord of other issues.I'm beginning to even wonder if my compass is pointing in the right direction,come to think of it,it hasn't changed for quite awhile.And god knows if my compass is screwed,i need a sign,like maybe one that says "Give up on love dude,you're hopeless" or "Stop getting a life,and start studying"..

Alright i'm starting to whine about life again,shall stop before i start bitching bout it..

2007-03-11T22:02:00.000+08:00

Something interesting that was forwarded to me through mail...

Can You Read the truth lies behind this misplaced words...................................
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > tteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > you can raed tihs forwrad it.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ONLY FORWARD IF YOU CAN READ THIS...Update the numbers on top too

2007-03-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

With bated breath i waited.My eyes locked on,and focus undivided,and then in a split second,i made my move..

..and boy did it hurt,diving on the ground doesn't feel as good as it looks.And the bad thing is i'm getting addicted to it.The wave of satisfaction that washes over is pure ecstacy.My position in the team changed again,and it seems too high a mountain to scale this time.I've got less than 2 months to train as a 'Libro' (don't know if its spelt that way) and therefore,i'm pretty much screwed.Not only do i need physics,maths,geog,and economics tuition,volleyball training seems to be on the list as well.

Today's kinda sad,for it marks the last day of rugby during P.e,which inevitably means that there's no more fun to look forward to on wednesdays.Rugby has a knack for bonding people together,or should i say guys in general.Putting a bunch of hormone raging guys together with a sport that brings out the testosterone nature equates to a whole lot of dirty talk and jokes.And of cause a whole lot of fun unrivalled by any other game.And it extends to weekly post P.e rendezvous where the whole bunch of us goes to wash up.Just last week i witnessed two fellas bathing together in the same cubicle,and today,i witnessed three.

For all the fun in school,it's shadowed with an invisible burden weighing down on us,and this is exarcebated as each day passes by.It's superfluous to even mention about how sad life is getting,with more tests piled on us,and the pressing pressure for us to have "no lives" starting from right now.The daily timetable of my teacher when she was in a JC goes like this, 3-4pm,short nap.Followed up with a three hour study till 7 before its dinner cum tv time until the clock strikes 8.And then it's study time yet again till 10,ending with a 6 hour sleep before waking at 4am to study again...and that is the life,of a person who scored practically all As.

2007-03-02T17:46:00.000+08:00

Saw this on another blog so i decided to steal it!

Changing Light bulbs.

Q: How many RJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 4 whole faculties. One faculty to design the new bulb, one faculty to test it out, one faculty to market it and one guy to write a stupid E-mail about light bulbs.

Q: How many HCJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. To compete with RJC.

Q: How many VJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. One student to screw it in and the rest to cheer and wave flags and banners to give him/her support.

Q: How many NJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can study without light.

Q: How many AJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They're too busy trying to be one of the top 5 JCs.

Q: How many ACJC students does it take to change light bulb??
A: None. They'd use all their money to employ YJC to do it for them.

Q: How many YJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Only one teacher to tell them what a light bulb is in the first place and to demonstrate (how do you think they're able to change it for ACJC?)

Q: How many CJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They'd prefer it darker. *raises eyebrows*

Q: How many JJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Their physics is so bad that they make the male teacher cry.

Q: How many TPJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They wouldn't bother.

Q: How many SAJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They believe in praying for it.

Q: How many NYJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are still using oil lamps.

Q: How many SRJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Huh, what litebarbu...

Q: Don't you guys wonder who wrote this?
A: TJC!

Q: How many TJC students does it take to change the light bulb?
A: None. They think they are very bright already.

Q: How many PJC students does it take to change the light bulb?
A: Fuck the light bulb lah, the principal will do something about right barbs. Let's do 300 jumping jacks for not wearing the proper school attire.

and what the hell right,who says we won't bother?We do care,it's just that we're too slack and lazy to make the effort.It's the thought that counts anyway..

2007-03-01T18:58:00.000+08:00

Trudging and manoeuvring through against the neverending souls,i was glad when i finally got in the open.As i soldiered on,with the fatigue kicking in,i saw a little boy no taller than my waist.He was chasing,running after another boy on a skate scooter taunting him."You can't cant catch me!Ha ha!" And there he was,the little boy "running",and as he ran,i saw how happy he was,shouting in glee.

It struck me how dumb it looked,because any fool would tell you he won't catch up at all.But it left me wondering,the reason why he was so elated,despite the fact he couldn't reach the other fella.I think any of us,would probably have given up.It just makes no sense trying to catch something that you can't.

Perhaps,it was just the little boy being naive,but somehow,somewhere along our lives as we grew,we lost something.When things don't look achievable,we just give up and lower our heads.We let go of things that are out of reach,and then it becomes regret.We overlook,that "while any fool would tell you he won't catch up" doesn't mean he will never do so.We forget that when we grit our teeth and never look down,we grow in strength.And one day,that boy who couldn't catch up,would be in front,of what he used to see from behind.

2007-02-27T22:44:00.000+08:00

How much would you pay to try and recover a watch that probably costs less than 200 dollars?

From: Raymond Kwek Kok Xuan (06S20)

Sun 25 Feb 2007 8:56 pm

Also to: Hoong Hui Ling Michelle, Jillian Giam Li Er, Lim Yu Rong, Luo Jing Jing, Rishibha Sanam Chadha, Shauna Sim Jia Ning, Sivashangari D/o K Kiruppali, Tan Hwee Ling Vivian, Tan Ser Chee, Tan Yan Bin, Umairah Bte Ali Bafana, Aidross B Ramli, Chan Hui Yuan, Chia Liyi Nicholas, Gan Guoxiong Dominic, Hilmi B Abdul Rahman, Jiten Khemlani S/o Suresh, Kow Yong Hao Jonathan, Lim Xu Zhi Benjamin, Loo Fei Brandon Maurice, Muhammad Asnurizan B Ahmad S, Ng Jing Teng Larry, Yap Shi Rui Status

Lost Watch

Blue G-shock watch
near pull-up bar left on brown chair
near side gate
during 10.30 AM to 11 AM
on Friday (23/2/2007)

Please message me if found
$1000 to whoever has the watch in the end (No questions asked)

2007-02-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

"This is the reason why Maplestory shouldn't be played..."

2007-02-15T16:20:00.000+08:00

Line of the day by my P.e teacher,on some advice after watching us play rugby, "Guys,guys,you're caressing your opponents,you caressing them will only get them excited and make them run faster."

And today,my classmates sat together during our break and had a small talk session,which made me realise that there was probably one thing common among most guys.We all used to love Power Rangers!
The common topic came when a power ranger beeping tone went off at the next table,and then everyone went,"Power Ranger!!!"

And before i knew it,we were all reminiscing about the old days,when we played with power ranger masks,belts,the white ranger sword,and for me,i recalled the old days when i argued with my cousins over who got to be the red or white ranger.(In case you don't watch power rangers in the past,red and white ranger are the coolest ones among the whole bunch!)
The power rangers saga may have faded out today,but somehow,it's embedded in all of us.
Brandon apparently still has his power ranger gun or something stashed away somewhere,and Johnaton can recall all of the animals each ranger represents.Cool eh!

2007-02-15T16:12:00.000+08:00

I can still remember,when you moved in next door
I bought you some chocolates,from the corner candy store
Then it started raining,you started running home
That was the first time,i sang this song for you

Rain rain go away,come again another day
Rain rain go away,bring my love a sunny day

When i went to the army,you said you'd wait for me
But you sent me a letter,asking me to set you free
Then it started raining,tears started falling down
That was the last time,i sang this song for you

Rain rain go away,come again another day
Rain rain go away,bring my love a sunny day...

a song my friend used to sing in class,and this very song i fell in love with and remembered till today

2007-02-13T19:29:00.000+08:00

Behind this window of mine,i never really realised it was frosted or covered with dust,for i thought i saw clearly everything behind it.How naive i am,or should i say was,to not realise that humans,seek to hide behind a veil and of cause potray a picture perfect of themselves.What disgusts me was probably the fact that when probed about an act committed,the person denies flatly,which makes it all hypocritical.

Why bother doing it in the first place,when you're afraid of people knowing it?Maybe it's just your luck,that the other person loves to boast.Anyway all i can say is that i'm probably gutted,and disgusted.Argh,anyway thats besides the point,as a friend i always thought better of you.

And hey it's Valentine's Day yet again tomorrow!Time truly flies,the last one seemed near enough for me to run through my mind flawlessly,every single and intricate detail,but i shan't go into that.And yes!I have a date!While most of you guys and girls are probably walking around aimlessly deciding on where to go,and probably running through a make-shift conversation in your heads to clear any awkwardness,i'd be sitting in the lecture hall with future prospects running through mine.

University talks tomorrow,and a cca thats even more compulsory for me since i've missed today's training.Haven't exactly been well this past few days,and it's probably due to Ben the carrier of the flu virus.Life's looking down once again,i swear my heart stopped in it's tracks for a moment or two when i saw ben's planner.We have like a common test coming up right after Chinese New year,and that just dampens all the festive mood.Imagine mugging while visiting, and only stopping once in a while to stick out both hands and saying " Thank you auntie/uncle!Xin Nian Kuai Le!" (Topped with an extra wide smile of cause)

And i have to probably start memorising all the different variations of well wishes,stuff like "Long Ma Jin Shen" (eh i think it means energy of a dragon and horse or something like that) and probably Happy Cny in canto and hokkien,etc just to please the different people.And i guess the usual stuff is probably gonna come,comments like,"Wah you sure have grown,the last time i saw you.. ... ... .. Don't you remember me?When you were a kid... ... ... .."And meeting all the long distance relatives is gonna be awkward,cause to start if off i don't even know how to address them.Well looking at the bright side,i can take comfort at the fact that i'm receiving some form of income for my pockets that are decorated with holes aplenty.An everlast jacket and two Topshop shirts have probably emptied my account,and up till now i still can't bring myself to check the balance in it.Like they say,'Sometimes,ignorance is a bliss'. =)

2007-02-10T20:14:00.000+08:00

GOD!I'M ON THE VERGE OF PULLING MY HAIR OUT,AND I'M EVEN CLOSER TO THROWING THE FREAKING DVD PLAYER OUT OF THE WINDOW!!But because it's considered killer litter,and my dad's gonna kill me cause it's his beloved player,i restrain myself.

My brother,is once again watching DOA (Dead or Alive) for the fifth time in like 3 weeks,and that irks me alot.It bothers me alot,cause this is some retarded show that has no meaning behind it,nor does it come with a plot.

Right now i'm desperately trying out every single password that comes to mind,but i just can't get the right one to log in to my mindef account to defer my NS.It appears that somehow,despite my previous attempts in registering,it was pretty much futile.And failure in registering by next month,or April would get me a three year jail term.And the idea of sitting in a stupid cell with a bald head,definitely ain't my cup of tea.

Tonight i got bored and decided to look back at friendster testimonials,which kind of brought back many memories,the good and the lousy ones.Well,when you look back in time,and along that road which was never lonely,you kinda feel blessed.However,whilst i savour this bliss,there're also the other side of the coin.While some friends i keep till today,others wandered away and there's this pang of regret and sadness i'm feeling.But i shan't bother you peeps with emo stuff for now,ha!

But looking at the testimonials kinda made me feel,urm,i don't really know what i'm feeling.I'm kinda laughing at it all,and at the same time asking myself if i was really that crappy.

Some of them go like this,

shi rui ar~ another loud speaker like
wenqi.. but wenqi louder... =X hmmm..
visited ur blog a few times.. u always
sound so sad in it.. totally diff from
the u in real life.. u ar.. in class...
very noisy one loh.. the onli time when
u r quiet is when u slping in class
de.. heez.. but anyway, muz learn to
take things easy lah.. thou its easier
said than done.. since we all live onli
once.. juz live life to the fullest ba!
oh yah.. one more thing.. u ar.. crazy
fan of boa ar.. see her photo onli u go
crazy.. i think u see her in real life
u will faint ar.
__________________________________

rui arh rui! this bastard arhs...always
everyday kpkb act lan lan ones..=XxX k
larh..he's nice, but sometimes damn
blardy kiam pa lor..see liao machiam
wanna slap his face sia =X. he hor..lyk
ter irritate any bastard called wei
qin, den once almost kanna hit hole
puncher by wei qin
__________________________________

hmm...this guy likes to insult
pple..lots of comments
derh..looks?..serious, overall not bad
lorh...very funny..always see him with
tt weeen qiiiiii...lol..another one
with lots of comments derh..ok..i stop
here arh...byebye..take care
horh...and don insult pple lerh...

..there're loads more,but it kinda makes me wonder if i was really that bad last time haha!Well i do remember clearly that day i survived the hole-puncher throwing,and i kinda felt bad.Cause it nearly hit my other classmate cause the throw went off target.But that's a different story altogether..

2007-02-08T20:57:00.000+08:00

Good luck to all the peeps getting back the results tomorrow!!

2007-02-07T21:05:00.000+08:00

You people gotta watch this!!Super funny..

2007-02-07T19:32:00.000+08:00

Went to the parliament house for some learning journey programme,and boy was i amazed there.The first thing meeting us were stringent checks to make sure we weren't carrying any bombs or stuff like that in (well the place doesn't look cheap,so i guess it was essential though we were students),and then we were greeted by our tour guide of the day.Well Mr erm...i can't really remember his name,i'll just call him Mr kumar,(since he looks like a kumar to me) brought us around explaining how parliament sessions went,and the different MPs involved.

And i couldn't help but marvel at the people who worked there,especially at translators who could translate english,mandarin,tamil,and of cause malay at the snap of a finger.And often even faster then you could finish your sentence.Along with people that wrote at the speed of 120 words at a minute.Cool eh!

Well it was around then that i realised,and see the big picture."A" level certs,and diplomas are nothing,and all these while i kept having ideas of taking the easy way out,to drop out to a poly.And the other was to just scrap into a university.It finally dawned on me,that neither of them,would bring me to where i wanted.I want to be successful,to command a good salary,and to be on par with people working in the parliament.That is my dream.

Perhaps it sounds too practical,and over-realistic.Just as it occured to me,i've changed alot in my mindset.In the past,i used to say i would never slog my guts out,working for the thing that supposedly "makes the world go round".I would say i wanna do something i like,rather than something that i detest but pays well.Fast forward a couple of years,and all that has changed.People love to say "Live your life for yourself,for its yours".But thats pure bullshit in my eyes now,that phrase i once worshipped.That fella who said that once upon a time,probably forgot,that our lives revolve around so many people.And that we are who we are today,because of what we have taken from others.For in our lives,we never do walk alone.

I choose money over myself,for a good reason.It's not so much of driving a car,and enjoying luxuries.There's one thing that i would do above all,and that is being able to provide for my parents,and perhaps even help provide for my lil bro.The worst thing in life,is not being able to repay your parents and having to live off them,and that is definitely something i'll never want to be doing.I've realised the pain of being broke,walking around with less than a dollar in my pocket.Not too long ago,i was walking around,and i felt hungry,but all i could do was stare at that pretzel at aunty anne's.Yea you get the point..

And now i'm just wondering,how life's gonna be in the future.Things like getting a driving license,finding the right girl,not being a gay when i come out of NS,and then the daunting prospect of finding a job,and surviving all the pressures it carries along.It all fazes me,and it never fails not to,maybe that's life.

2007-02-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

I scanned through again the words you wrote me,my mind blank and eyes fixed into space.
My throat tightens,and this feeling just washes over,perhaps its sadness,or maybe disappointment.I have no idea,for i just couldn't pull myself together to comprehend and accept what you said tonight.It made sense to be fair,but at the same time it's tantamount to the feeling of being slammed against the wall.

I waited all night,and with waiting came anticipation,and in the midst of anticipation often lurks disappointment.I sat,and wondered if you would come just as you said,and finally you came.Like a kid's joy and glee when the ice-cream man's bell rung,euphoria rushed over me.

But tonight,your words though soft,with best intentions slayed me truly....broken from before,it's hard...so hard..

2007-02-05T20:01:00.000+08:00

"Sia la that Fu Lu Shou thing looks like gundam.." lamented dominic..

Today's events were mainly mediocre i guess,accompanied shang to get his grandma's birthday present and walked around the ever so familiar Tampines mall.According to shang,he'd been thinking of getting his grandma a birthday present since last year when i questioned him bout sincerity.Well,and shang being a MORON proceeded to add on her birthday's today and i'm going over to her place today.Sheesh,some things never do change!

2007-02-04T22:06:00.000+08:00

LIONS ATE TOM YUM FOR DINNER!

I'm elated we won,probably cause it was more of national pride at stake this time.Though we played like crap,but oh well..who cares bout the process when results are good.And the moral of the story? You can walk away,and be a sore ass,but a loser can't walk away from being a loser.

P.s This victory would be sweeter if tomorrow is declared a national holiday.My Gp work isn't exactly ready to be handed in yet.

2007-02-04T20:54:00.000+08:00

Time itself is elusive and it's the only thing that's fair in the world,for each only has 24 hours..

Two nice quotes i saw,

"Plan today for tomorrow,or tomorrow will be yesterday"

"The bad news is that time flies,and the good news is that you're the pilot"

2007-02-02T21:16:00.000+08:00

You make me wanna fall in love again...
Cause looking into that pair of eyes that sparkle,it makes me forget all my fears.
Your ever present smile,a happiness thats been eluding me.
The shackles holding me back,are being melted one at a time.
Girl,could you be the one?Or would you be just one of them...another heartbreak..

2007-01-26T20:09:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just hate it when some person wants to chip in to share a present for another friend.Just yesterday one of my friends sent me a message telling me its another friend,Gm's birthday.

He blatantly told me he knew bout it two days ago,and continued to ask me to get a present so he could chip in too.Seriously i don't see the point of him doing this,it's not as if i'm sitting my ass down on the couch with nothing to do.Who ain't busy nowadays?Presents don't have to be expensive or anything,though some people do mind.But at least it has to carry some thought and sincerity.

Where's the sincerity of asking to chip in when he can't get his ass out and buy the present with me,or why can't he spend like some time buying it himself if he already knows it earlier than me.My blood's boiling at the thought of yet again,being made used of,a source of convenience for people.I practically feel almost a sense of pity for my friend gm,at the thought of receiving a present that's just there for the sake of it.

Is friendship now just a matter of name's sake,or a label?Some people no longer get what it means by putting in effort.And others?They'd look at friends as a bunch of back-ups,and the word back-ups sounds nothing like music to my ears.And to think some people flamboyantly do it all the time.

A little more thought,a little more effort,and lots of sincerity.Trying to spend time with all my friends is almost impossible,i admit there are times when i'm callous.But at the very least,i'd still try my very best.Friendship is not a name,nor some shit label or brand,it has to have depth instead of being shallow and merely looked upon by the surface.

2007-01-25T19:12:00.000+08:00

"Boy ah!...Mindef sent you a letter!"
Opening up the envelop,there it was some crap ass form reminding me to register at mindef's website.And that set me thinking bout where i would be one year from now..

...probably not bald yet if i should pass my napfa with a gold or silver and most likely enjoying the rest of the days of freedom i have.And i can't help but somehow look forward to it,after all the stories and people relating their experiences to me.Well maybe look forward isn't exactly the right word,just curious bout what it'd be like i guess.

And from what i see,all the guys that go in,become a man.Ok maybe not all,but it does change a person,mentally and physically.My dad would most definitely be rubbing his hands in glee,the day when my head is bald,and carrying a bagpack that looks like some ketupat,joining the queue of the bunch of horny morons that are due for tekong.Can't blame him though,NS in his opinion is gonna make me into a matured fella or something,well looking on the bright side making him happy is considered an act of fillial piety so i guess it ain't that bad.

And how does NS change a person physically?Well most of you are bout to say it makes tummies turn into washboard abs,and fats into toned muscles,last but not least,the fairest of all skins will turn to charcoal.And i'm bout to add on that NS has another effect proven by my cousin and one of my friends.The last time i saw him before he enlisted,he had a tummy and he was fat.The last time i saw him a couple of weeks back,he had a bigger tummy,and he got fatter.In case you're wondering why,he owes it to his training regime that includes sleeping,eating,opening a store,eating,more eating,watching tv,and some more sleeping.Being classified under PesC is just great,you get paid for sitting ur ass around and getting fat,how good can life get huh..

Well a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do,be it getting fat in the name of serving the nation,or trained like dogs.

2007-01-23T21:56:00.000+08:00

Don't you hate it,when at times you'd feel this wave of loneliness wash over you.
Leaving you wet with sorrow,and shivering with lost faith.
The warmth of friends,encompassing your shaking body,just don't seem to be complete.
What happens when at this point,hands reach out,all promising more.
Would you just take it or would you not?
I wished i could,for once just reach out and hold one of them.
But i know i could never,for the past haunts,ever so strongly.
Fears of dejavu,arises so rapidly,drowning faith
Careful of the hands,that will never hold on committedly.
Careful of the hands,a blade thats hidden.

Deluded by illusions,blinded by love,
I never saw through the false front you put on.
But because of you,i've became strong.
Because of you,i've learnt so much more.
I've learnt to see,and read characters better.
I've learnt,that i want something something special.

Maybe thats why,good things don't come easy.
God just wanted us to earn it,and want it badly.

2007-01-23T21:14:00.000+08:00

We got bored after lunch at tampines mall,and we somehow had an impulse to walk into toys'r us to relive our childhood days.Memories of playing with action figures,lego,and playdoh came flooding back,and i really do miss the days when my cousins and i could play all day long with no worries.Oh yea,i forgot,barbie dolls,and masak masak (or just cooking..) were played too cause one of my cousins i grew up with was a girl.

Life is pretty much summed up with one word nowadays,and thats "tiring",sleep is something that i never have enough.Despite some 10 hours sleep on weekends,they never really suffice.And the prospect of having so much work thrust in my face all of a sudden is a dauting task to overcome.Something i have the heart for,yet lacking in ability to fulfil.Detention never seemed so close...

2007-01-18T19:40:00.001+08:00

Some funny shit i saw..

2007-01-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

I've learnt a really important skill studying in a JC,and that's patting myself on my shoulder,and telling myself life ain't really that bad...

"Morning Jogs for TAF Club members start next week (Wk 4)

Dear TAF Club members,

Please take note that the morning jogs will start next Monday. Please report punctually at 6.50am at the track to the teacher in charge for attendance taking. You are to stop all exercises by 7.25am to get ready for the morning assembly.

If you are not sure which day you are supposed to report for the morning jog, please look for Ms Goh or Mr Yazid at the PE dept.

The afternoon gym training sessions for JC2 TAF club members will start in Wk 6. "

As i whinned to my mom bout coming home so late tonight,and eating dinner at 930pm,i chanced upon this announcement on my school website.And all of a sudden,life looked better,and the two words often used in my dictionary

"At least..." popped out yet again. "At least i don't have to wake up extra early to go to school and do some PT shit..."
Life's a bitch sometimes,oh wait,correction...most of the times.But all you have to do,is to have an optimistic mindset,and turn into some self-comforting moron.

2007-01-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

Darn,it's just the third week of school term and i'm already feeling the exhaustion.Being at home before 6pm has never seemed such a mammoth task,and laying on my bed has never felt this good.It has come to the point whereby i'm actually feeling relief when i finally lay this drained body to rest.

And i really do feel like giving up in so many things,life is really a bed of thorns right now.One thing i'd love to give up right now,is volleyball.Right from the start i knew the team was crap,but it never crossed my mind that after a year,we're still crap.

Maybe emmanuel was right,i shouldn't even have harboured any hopes in this team,cause they're mainly two category of people here.The first category,people who have the heart to train,but just lack the talent.And people,who basically lack talent,and the heart to train.

Why would i bother harbouring any hopes in this team?I guess it goes back to secondary school,being part of a basketball team which has an average height of 165,and no playing experience at all.A great resemblance to the current team i'm in right now.I still vaguely remembered my coach's face when we started off our first training,well it's not that difficult to recall considering the only thing you'd feel watching us train would be this thing called "disgust"
(Another similarity to the volleyball team)

And there was something i remembered till today,my coach mentioned something that made loads of sense."You guys may be short,and have lesser talent than other teams in basketball.It doesn't matter,what matters is that you train even harder than them to make up for it."
With that,began the torturous training sessions,where we worked our limbs till they could no longer move.Our skins barbequed under the unforgiving scorching sun,and our jerseys soaked with sweat to the point when it actually weights down on your tired shoulders.Rain or shine we trained as hard,and despite all those rigorous training,we turned up faithfully every training session.

Our team had a common mentality,it's ok if we don't win,cause we know our own capabilities.But its not ok,to get tossed aside,trampled all over,and humiliated.It's alright to lose,when at the end of the game,they celebrate a victory which they had to fight hard for.It's alright to lose,when you know you have trained and done your very best.But it's not ok to lose,when you're tossed aside,and trampled on.When you lose all dignity,with your heads hung low,knowing you got this coming.

In this volleyball team,i see nothing.There is no fighting spirit,and there is no team spirit.A mere few with the hearts to play,and the rest just there...there to fill the numbers.I just wish i could walk away without feeling guilt,and without feeling like i've spat on my own principles.I hate walking away,cause i hate giving up.To me giving up and taking the easy way out are for losers who just can't see effort and perserverence is everything.

I learnt from her lots of things,and reinforced my mentality.The day she walked away,leaving and escaping the problems,was the day i told myself that i should never give up,nor walk away."What have you learnt there at volleyball?You've learnt nothing!" as he encouraged me to quit.Rebuttals flooded through my mind,but non came out cause a part of me felt he was right.I pondered bout it the whole night,and i finally came to a conclusion..
If i quit now,then it'd show i've truly learnt nothing at all...

2007-01-14T19:34:00.000+08:00

I'm gutted by what i did,and i sincerely apologise.I'm really sorry for further ruining your day,i really am.
I betrayed your trust on a moment of hindsight,on a stupid assumption i conceived.
I know how it feels to have trust betrayed,of all people i know it best.
And i'm praying now,that we'd still be friends,in my life there's only been a few,whom i could just talk about everything.
Just a few,whom i could bare my honest thoughts and feelings to.
Dear friend,i wish you could know how bad i'm feeling,and i'm truly sorry .

2007-01-06T11:30:00.000+08:00

Yes family Jack Sparrow is family of the year!!I'm so proud of you peeps!

Last night's campfire was just great,the end of orientation camp was a conclusion for the past hectic 3 days.Waking up early and going back late takes its toll after a couple of days,and i'm totally drained.

It's all been great,from the very beginning OGL camp till the J1 orientation camp.I've learnt so much,and i guess i've grown in a way or two from this experience.I've gone from a TPJCian who doesn't even know his school song,and a TPJCian who'd gladly tell you never to come to this school,to being an ambassador of TPJC and yes i finally know how to sing my school song after a year.

You'd truly start pondering,when the j1s ask you,"what do you think of TPJC?"
Most of us i guess would be tongue tied,the first few thoughts that came would be it's slack,don't come here people,you'd end up getting screwed.But then again on second thoughts,memories of my fellow dedicated teachers,who never gave up and always trying to push us even at times when it seemed we're practically hopeless flooded back.

My reply to them,which i hope was fair and something which was brutally honest,was exactly what my physics teacher used to say in class,and coincidentally something i used to take as bullcrap.

"Here,you can make it,so as long as you try,so as long as you want to.The teachers are always here.You may think or say this is a slack school,but then again,it always comes from the mouths of slackers themselves.It's the same wherever you go,if you're slack,there'd be no happy ending for you.It all comes down to yourself."After this short speech to them,i found myself momentarily stunned,cause it was just as my teachers used to say,and the thought of me actually mouthing the similiar words was just hard to swallow.

As the days passed by.my mindset gradually changed about J1 orientation,i slowly realised that my objectives were reshuffling their order.I wanted to do something that never crossed my teeny weeny pea brain.Orientation camp,wasn't about just coming to school and then running through the activities mindlessly.It was far beyond that,making the j1s feel part of the TPJC family,and making them feel that this was a warm place that welcomed them was THE point.

Letting them bond with each other,and letting them get attached to the school,was my goal.The sense of belonging which i lacked was a priority,it explained everything about me and a large number of my friends who came after the first three months.

"It's a waste of time,and besides,your only going to check our the girls!"
I can still remember what my friend said when i tried convincing him to come along to be an OGL.After this whole experience,i just wished he was there,there so he'd know what it all feels like.What it feels like to be one with a whole group of people,shouting,screaming.That wave of euphoria after everyone gives in everything for a group cheer,that feeling that grips you so tightly,that it feels hard to breathe.

And finally,the sense of achievement,and satisfaction that you probably have done something right,and hopefully something for the school.
And there's the chance,that you made some people feel at home,a small chance you convinced people that this is the school for them.
And the small chance,that you finally feel proud of your own school...

2007-01-04T20:19:00.000+08:00

The belated christmas gift from melissa!Stumped for words cause i didn't know she'd keep that photo and even frame it up as a gift! Love it!Thanks alot Mel! =)

2007-01-03T21:00:00.000+08:00

Three big needs now in my life,and the biggest need?I need to watch Leehom's concert again!Shall start saving for the dvd now,and so there goes like a week's worth of allowance.
And i'm dying to catch deathnote 2 and the curse of the golden flower,so much stuff to do,but so little time.

Doubt i'd have time to catch any,this week's packed,and next week's gonna be my tests.The coming weeks would most probably be spent at detention..considering the amount of work i owe.

2007-01-02T19:35:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD!I FREAKING GAINED LIKE 3 KG!DAMMIT!

Went to weigh myself happily like before,but nearly died when i saw the scales i now tip at...bloody 63kg...can you believe it?#%$@%@#$%...man i'm gonna weigh myself again later after i get over this shock...

2007-01-02T11:17:00.000+08:00

I'm back,and somehow i've spent one year in malaysia,owing to the fact that i went in 2006 and returned in 2007.Been a fruitful trip,learnt alot,and it's been quite an eye opener.
Though it didn't exactly rain when i was there,there were aftermaths of the floods in some areas i passed by.

Knee high water levels were the norm,but most areas were generally alright.After the ooo's and ah's it hit me that we are indeed lucky in Singapore.The so called "floods" we complain about are probably deemed ridiculous by malaysians,we don't suffer water and electricity cut-offs.And we don't have to fish on our rooftops to pass time while waiting for some boat to rescue us.For me,it'd be something i'll most certainly never experience,owing to the fact that i stay at 11 storeys above ground.And should it one day flood to this height,Singapore would most probably be the next Atlantis,"Singlantis".

Since it's 2007,a new year calls for new and better changes,and i've just set myself new targets.
And the list includes mainly personal stuff,better attitude,better character,etc.I'm on my way to being a good boy this year,and hopefully a nerd.

Time has a habit of slipping us by,and yet time and again we fail to grasp this concept.
And maybe thats how the word regret came about,maybe thats why we always look back and sigh.Treasuring and cherishing time spent with important people,and time that i have tops my list this year,i hate looking back and i hate regretting.This year it'd be a year i'm looking ahead,i wanna embrace tomorrows,let go of yesterdays,and cherish todays...

2006-12-27T01:35:00.000+08:00

Dear shang this is for you..

GEt your ass up and stop wallowing in self pity dude!This isn't the shang i know,and its not one i wish to see!STUDY NOW!!!!!

Alrite now that i've gotten that outta the way..Just caught Night At The Museum and hey it was good.Loved the t-rex!

Was talking to shang,and he mentioned how he would love to have no life,like one of my other friend,to get good grades.No life meaning,you hardly go out,you study most of the time.And you don't get involved in anything other than work in school.

I guess personally,i would never want to swap,unlike shang.I'm not trying to diss anyone here but just voicing out random thoughts.The new principal gave her speech that day,and in it i sieved out some stuff that were really true.Like for example,JC life would be the best time of your life spent in your schooling years.You'd have the most fun,and memorable times,and you'd carry them along with you as you walk your path.

Life ain't all bout getting perfect grades,and thankfully i'm not grades oriented.Jc life so far has been great in some ways or another,i made my choice,that is to try out new stuff and have a different life.Joined volleyball,(ok maybe i joined cause there wasn't any other cca),became an OGL (alright alright,maybe some of you might argue i did it cause of J1 girls,but hey i'm becoming gay ok..) I've done things i never would have done before,like shaking my ass on stage,doing retarded stuff and basically having fun in school.Being work oriented means missing out on all the fun stuff,and then what's the whole point?Is there gonna be anything you can reminisce about in future?Is there gonna be any i wished time would turn back again..

Life ain't a bed of roses,but i guess if we try to enjoy ourselves no matter what we're doing,and so as long as we never ever give up on ourselves,life's alright.

P.S Dear shang,stop waving that white flag of yours,show some fighting spirit and determination.It's hard,i know it myself,but i'd be the impetus for your drive to study.(God dammit i'm making tomorrow free ok..just to study with you so you better not retain or drop out of jc)

2006-12-21T21:13:00.000+08:00

I know what you want,i ask the obvious.Just like any request you would make,i would oblige.
This time round,i wish i could,but it's so hard.I know you well enough,but not enough to know what you feel when our eyes meet.

But what i do know,is what i feel when our eyes meet.I see in your eyes,me and you.
I see that same pair of eyes i gazed upon once,when i once loved looking at.
Fond memories,memories of when i said three words and wished that the moments would last forever.
What i also see,are the tears that fell neverending in the nights that seemed to last an eternity.
That pain,that seared through my heart.That very same pain that watered my eyes for the many nights i laid pondering.
That feeling,a mixture of betrayal,hurt,pain,and the thought of someone you loved hurting you in that way seemed so hard to bear.
I grit my teeth and never gave up,and i waited for that day when i thought you'd come back.
Forgive but never forget,i was ready to forgive,but you never gave me that chance to forgive.

I know you a little,a little too well.And from that day when your sorry wasn't true,i never waited for another.You don't owe me anything,not an apology,nor a thank you.Like you've said,i was lousy,and i accept that tag.I'm a waste of your time,the past haunts,and it still bounds me with shackles.The reason i wanted what i wanted,was because i felt you'd be happier,free to pursue that other happiness.I just want you to be happy,always did and always will.

2006-12-21T20:56:00.000+08:00

2nd day of OGL camp,(Orientation Group Leader) and i'm dead beat. Well you would be too if you slept at 2am before the first day of camp and 1 am the next day.

I guess today was the most fun part of the camp,rolling in mud,dumping your face in flour,and having ketchup poured on you,all being in a day's of work.Today was group bonding at it's peak,we collaborated and worked together,giving the games leader a taste of their medicine.

Chasing down the helpless leaders who ran for their lives,and then dragging them together back to the pool of egg and flour mixture,or mud,was just sadistically satisfying.I guess this is gonna be the only highlight of my Jc years,something i'm gonna remember for a long time.

Pussycats dolls' mtv remake tomorrow,and i'm getting the jitters.The prospect of being on stage doing stupid acts is kinda daunting.Praying everything goes well tomorrow!

2006-12-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

Went to the temple today,to visit my grandma and uncle,aunty and my two cousins.(don't know what word to use so i shall use visiting) I never really thought much of it,these visits,but today i kinda realised that it serves another purpose other than remembering our lost loved ones.
We'd all sit around together catching up,talking,laughing and all as a whole.And this acts as a bridge to all of us,sort of like a family gathering,putting all of us together despite everybody's ever filled schedules.

Walked into the columbarium with my mom and little brother,and i dreaded that.I kinda didn't wanna look at my grandma and sister's pictures,a grim reminder of loss envelops,prompting you to reminisce.My mom held my little brother,as he excitedly skips towards the place,and i just followed silently behind.

Upon reaching,my mom points proudly to my brother and said,"See,that's your grandma.Pretty isn't she?" I raised my head and looked,i'd nearly forgotten how she looked,the image of her face in my mind was blurred,just the silhouette of her figure left.That picture brought back everything,and my mom was right,she is pretty.At that moment i felt my throat tighten,and saliva felt hard to swallow,this tinge of sadness just ran through me.

What came next felt like something prodding at my heart,pulling my heart strings.
"This is your sister,(Smiling at my brother) she died before she reached 1."
I walked off at that point,and as i walked i pondered on how my mom was so strong,on how she didn't feel sad at all.Maybe like me,she just hides her feelings.

But then i realised finally,that the reason why,was probably evident all this while.She's proud of us,my brothers and i.I finally recall the times when people talked to her about us,she'd swell with pride and smile.This is why all mothers are great,maybe not all but most.My brothers and i,we may not be the smartest,nor the most fillial.But that doesn't quite matter,we're all her sons,and she loves us.=)

Today i found out how hard it is,to hide behind a smile,or fake one.
It's hard,really.

This short story,some of you might have read,

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

"Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"You will simply call her, 'Mom.'"

2006-12-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

They say," A picture speaks a thousand words.."
And this picture is all that i'm feeling now..
The feeling of happy,sad,and disappointment is something hard to stomach...or so i found..

2006-12-16T11:47:00.000+08:00

Night out with besties,and we caught the movie "Eragon" at Vivo.I must say i'm disappointed with it and so would any other person who has read the book,so for people out there who have read the book and have yet to catch the show,do yourself a favour and give it a miss.

Went off to with yanisa to look for her daryl to play lan,something me and ben have not done for ages.Well it was enjoyable i guess,if you factor out the "getting thrashed" or in gamers' language "getting owned" part.

The shop was at Orchard plaza if i'm not wrong,and if you thought that after midnight there'd be no life there,you're wrong.The first sight that greeted me as i walked in to look for a toilet was a middle aged man,with one hand flicking his ciggarette ash onto the floor nonchalantly,and the other,cuddling a woman.Pretty soon the numbers grew,and amounted into groups.And so i soon realised,if i weren't wrong,these women and men probably met for one night,and there's a cheap hotel upstairs.So you get the picture,yea?

Somehow walking in that area just doesn't feel right,it kinda feels like you're at the wrong place at the wrong time.The setting,is a dark place,people getting drunk,and men "ushering" women to a hotel room.And as you leave that whole building a cigarette stench clings tightly onto your shirt.

Thank god for the Night Rider service,which doesn't exactly come cheap as well.3 dollars for some lousy seat and an air-con system that can't even match up to my grandparents' fan.Well can't complain if your poor and can ill-afford to pay the exorbitant King's-ransom that cabs demand.

Walking home at night seems weird too,the air is still,an there's an eerie silence.Not a whisper can be heard,and your soft thuds of walking are elevated ten-folds,as if it can be heard throughout the whole neighbourhood.

Somehow night-life ain't that good,it doesn't come cheap and i've finally realised what my parents' nagging was about.Besides,waking up with this lethargic feeling in the morning isn't appealing at all.Nevertheless a good night out spent,glad to have the company of friends,and widen my sights of the world a little more.

Laughters of the day..

Crystal: I'm gonna give birth to hai song's wife...
Us: ....isn't it supposed to be deliver?
Crystal: .. oh

Crystal: I went to volunteer at the old "forks" home..
Us: .. ... *bursts out laughing*

And we still can't get her to tell us a joke properly,cause she'd always laugh at her own joke even before finishing..
"One day.. hahahaha....haha...there was...hahaha....."

2006-12-12T19:39:00.000+08:00

Talking to shang on msn,and we're both doing the "i should have been" thing.And in this case,we're ranting on and on about making the wrong choice going to a jc being the lazy bums we are.Well at least it ain't looking that bad for me yet,he runs a high risk of retaining should he flunk the "Welcome Back Exam" next year.

Life isn't all rosy for me,well it ain't exactly shit too.Time's running out and i don't know if i'm looking forward to school or dreading it.I haven't exactly done much work,and the prospect of being a J2 is making me piss in my pants.(Not literally please..) Being a J2 means you're not supposed to have a life,weekends are gonna have to be spent studying,and the words free time is gonna be ripped outta the dictionary.

This holiday i guess is the same as the ones before,somehow i'd always go through some emotional turmoil just like the ones before.Well i guess it's good,this time i've gave up,faith gone.I'm gay...well for one year till i finish A's.

My resolution for tomorrow?Wake up in time for volleyball training before the teacher calls me up and screws me again.Ciao

2006-12-10T19:18:00.000+08:00

I have a feeling you know,that its you.And i want you to know that this is true.
It's ok if you don't bother to reply,
It's ok if you don't really care.
It is really,but i want you to know,i'd be here.
When you're down and there's noone,i'd be here.
When you need a life-vest to cling on to and wait,i'd be here.
When you cry and there's no shoulder,i'd be here.
Just know that no matter what,i'd be here..
I really will..

2006-12-10T15:32:00.000+08:00

I finally earned something this holiday,and it's a box of chocolates!Well at least i earned something,and it came with the price of dressing up in TPJC uniform on a sunday,like a nerd.
My teacher needed a "nerdy" student to take photos of,for the "This is how you should look like in uniform".

Miss Tan:"Hahaha.."
Me:"err is something wrong?"
Miss Tan:"Nope,i just never saw my student dressed up so guai"
Me:"-_-"

That probably sums up my dressing in school..

2006-12-09T15:51:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to my mom!

I'm bad at telling people how much they mean to me,especially if they're my kin,so i'm gonna write here that i love you mom.I really do,it takes a lot to raise a kid like me,and it takes more raising the grown up me.

Thank you for all the breakfasts you buy for me on weekends,so i can have a decent breakfast when i sleep in.
Thank you for all the times you'd check my wallet in the morning before you go off to work to be sure i'm not dead broke,and if i were you'd always stuff in some money.
Thank you for all the care and concern,something i'd always need.
Thank you for being proud to have me.
Thank you for being my mom..

Just woke up 2 hours ago,and i'm feeling like shit.And waking up made me realise how much i miss my bed.Slept over at shang's house cause when we left the bbq,it was arnd 230am,and we took a long night walk,which was no easy feat.Considering having to carry ben's pots of curry and a huge cooler box.Shang being the gracious host,provided a mattress,and two sleeping bags for the 4 of us.Guo wei merely stoned in a meditation position cause he refused to sleep.And i got the sleeping bag,with a small rugby ball for a pillow.

Yesterday was great,i think.Well not that my opinion really matters here,but it was more of a gathering of friends and reunion.Glad to see the ex-classmates,and my ever so handsome math tuition teacher.(Whom still doesn't have a kid.And we just kept rubbing it in all night.Tongkat ali,viagra,etc.) For the first time in my life,i saw one of my friends,being emo and depressed.And him being depressed is no joking matter,well at least for me,he becomes half gay,and tends to take me for a punching bag gay partner.I still get a goosebumps imagining him doing it again,the hugging and leaning on my chest!ARGH!And he takes it out on me by thumping my chest like its some game machine.

Well i'm bad at comforting people i realise,i'm kinda at a loss for words.Words that make people feel better,he says i'm straight,and well i guess i am.Being pragmatic is the only way you don't get hurt as deep.And i realised,putting two emo guys together isn't really good,so i cheered up a little!

Gazing at the stars with the sea breeze caressing your cheeks gently is a really nice sensation.It kinda makes you feel all relaxed,and well...alive.As you take a closer look,you'd realise the up there,stars are dotted everywhere.But then you'd only see one brightest star,one that's special to you.The sea waves lapping onto shore,soothes the soul somehow,and everything is just so calm.

Saw 4 kids running about,and they kinda hung around with our group.Apparently their mom was at the nearby pub,chatting with some guy and they're left all alone to play.To them they say,it's already something mundane,and i kinda wondered what kind of a mother do they have.Makes me think back to the times,when i was their age,and my parents never let me outta their sight.Always so protective and concerned bout my whereabouts,and at that time being a kid,i'd always feel irritated and i hated that kind of attention.Now i'm just happy i've got great parents.

`You are that brightest star that shines in the sky

2006-12-08T18:11:00.000+08:00

Stoning at ben's house now waiting for jin xian to arrive,for the past hour been slacking,eating junk food and wrapped potatoes for later.No idea what to anticipate,the most present problem,would be that most of the people going don't seem to understand that no dinner comes free,and they fking expect to just eat and go.

Me and ben are officially "Sai Kang warriors",i'm like a bull that pulls the cart,charcoal,drinks ice,u name it,i carry it.Ben's got food to prepare,and this is really dawning on me how tough it is planning and making things happen.Science question..how do you keep a chocolate cake from not melting into something unpresentable for 3 hours without a refrigerator.Gotta start paying attention in class...

2006-12-08T10:07:00.000+08:00

"I love you,you love me,we are happy family...." .. .. and i'm awoken from my deepest slumber not by my phone's alarm but special thanks to my lil brother.The amazing power of the barney song,it wakes the biggest pigs,and to think my two alarms didn't wake me again.Sigh.

I must go get the barney song and use it for my alarm man,otherwise it'd be a matter of time before some volleyballer get his/her hands around my neck for being M.I.A for trainings.Time,10 am,approximately 8 hours or 9 to the Bbq,and i've got a feeling it's gonna be screwed.We're so bad at planning stuff,i think the tag "We suck" can actually be used here.Loads of stuff to do,and there's an important thing we didn't get.The cake.Yea,amidst the furry of rushing to get stuff for the Bbq,we forgot the most important thing,which is that cake,with candles on it.

Shang suggested pandan cake,cause he said he's broke,and i'm still laughing.I guess we're screwed man,all my life,i've hardly done things right,and things are hardly right for me.Gotta pray hard for tonight to work out.

2006-12-06T12:10:00.000+08:00

Staring aimlessly into space,i wished i could speak,
To you the girl,who swept me off my feet.

Not a day goes by,when i don't reminisce,
the times we spent,the times that never do suffice.

I wish i could tell you,how much i miss you,
I wish you would know just how my feelings are real.

That smile i really adore,
And those resplendent eyes i love to gaze upon

A time so short,yet a thousand years it seems,
Bounded by this shackles,a feeling within.

A promise i made,to never fall in love,
This promise i broke,for u seemed sent from above.

Now i'm just sitting here with an empty heart,
This blistering cold,stinging me so hard.

Like glass shattering,my heart follows,
The crisp sharp sound,echoes through a me thats hollow

Devoid of a love requited,
Despite attempts that are repeated.

All this i'm suffering,in pain and in agony,
A pain unmatched physically,yet veiled by irony.

All this feelings to you can never be told,
Maybe thats why,it can merely be wrote.

Crimson blood flows illuminating the night,
A pale shade of sorrow,that tells of my plight.

From my clenched fists i've decided to let go,
And this broken heart is all i have to show.

2006-12-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

THEY'RE BACK!! And tonight i finally got to eat a decent dinner,stuffed myself to the point that my mom asked if i didn't have lunch.Well i did,but it was a pathetic D.I.Y lunch that consisted of milo and well..bread..

My lil brother is still the same pesky guy he was,and it feels more like a home now.
No more worrying bout terrapin feeding and lousy meals anymore!=)

2006-12-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

Shiya showed this to me, title?James Bond... Language?Hokkien..you gotta catch this..

2006-12-05T00:19:00.000+08:00

I never dreamt it'd be this way
I've lost any chance for me to say
To say that I miss you, say that I love you
Will someone please tell me I'm okay

I wasn't prepared for what's to come
A life made of memories gone so young
And now I'm regretting all I've done
But in your heart know that I'm with you all along

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
I'm in your heart tonight

I never thought that this could go
And take me away from all I know
And leave me to think I'm on my own
But your love will take me, you were the one...

...Who sat through nights
You held me tight
And made sure I'm okay
And I thank you for the love you gave to me

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
I'm in your heart tonight...

If ever you cry just know
I'm in your heart tonight...

`Gone so young

2006-12-04T19:23:00.000+08:00

Feel so lost,and its so awkward,thought i'd be enjoying being alone at home.But i guess i thought wrong.I need my family back home again,this doesn't even feel like home anymore,its like an empty shell.

Have to constantly remind myself to feed my brother's terrapin,or he'd be devastated when he comes home.I nearly died when i saw two terrapin heads popping out of the water,cause there was supposed to be three.Was bout to shoot myself cause i thought one died,but then i realised it was hiding under the rock...

And so far my prayers have worked,no cockroaches sighted.Anyone who knows me well enough knows i'd rather flee than take on a flying cockroach.And under normal circumstances i'd call in daddy pest control service.Growing up in a kampung,lets just say it's his forte,and being his dear son,i'd always call him in when harassed by such a pest.Sadly,being all alone at home deprives me of that luxury,so rather than having to deal with this problem i've decided to pray hard it doesn't arise.

Finally managed to drag myself outta bed today and then to school for vball training,and i must say the number of guys are just dwindling,at lets say...the number 3?Another day passes,and i still haven't got started on Reading log homework.

`It seems we were never meant to be?..please tell me it isn't true..

2006-12-03T12:49:00.000+08:00

Woke up to a peaceful and serene morning,air was cool but it just felt weird.The sound of raindrops hitting the window pane serenading the start of today.But thats the thing.Keyword?Peaceful...rewind back one day..

Woke up to a a heck of din,courtesy of my lil brother,air was cool and everything felt great being a new day.I miss waking up to my lil brother's shouting and jumping about,and i miss shouting,"Shut up i'm trying to catch some sleep here!"

It feels weird walking to the computer in the morning without seeing my second brother playing his game,blasting the sound.

Well,at least i know how it feels to be the only child,you just wake to your own world,and it's all just quiet until you start blasting some music to drown out the silence.Which happens to be what i'm doing now..

Hope they're having fun at genting now,though i kinda regret not going,maybe having some time alone there and walking around alone aimlessly at night is just what i need to sort out the stuff in my head.Anyway managed to sort out some stuff,and i guess i have a rough map of the way ahead,might not be the best solution but i guess it would suffice.Emo night is over,time to start my day with a smile again. =)

2006-12-02T10:58:00.000+08:00

Found a webby for loads of jap dramas!Courtesy of Tse hui...and here it is...http://www.dailymotion.com/Blaice/taiyou Taiyou no uta's there too,and you guys have to watch it!

Taiyou no Uta 01 Part 1/2
Uploaded by Blaice

2006-12-01T19:43:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching the show Taiyou no uta,close to tears at the last episode yet again.I seriously gotta stay away from sad shows,i'm not good with them at all.

The show's about a girl who has a disease called XP that doesn't allow her to be exposed to UV light,or in short,the sun.Her only solution is by wearing and embarassing power ranger look alike suit,which she detests,thus being confined to night alone to roam about.

Her passion is in music,writing her song and playing the guitar,and this started when she picked up a guy's guitar a couple of years back.She observed him daily,from her hospital window a couple of years then,as he used to always walk past and one day she saw him abandon the guitar.It went on to become her passion and dream to play music,and fast forward a few years she met him and then they fell in love.

That fella and his group of friends,(oh by the way they're cute!) all became aquainted with the girl and then went on to chase their dreams of making it as a band.Loads of stuff happened,which you should watch and find out,and in the end,yea she died again.Darn sad,she always dies,first in one litre of tears and now taiyou no uta.To rub it in she has such a nice smile and she's such a cutie.

Anyway the show's quite meaningful,just like one litre of tears it carries some messages,and many heart warming quotes.Like how one part when she could no longer play the guitar cause the disease was affecting her hand,the guy said to her "I'd be your guitar"
And of cause the main thing about the show is having a dream,which sadly after watching i have come to realise yet again,something that i lack.And a phrase i loved...

`What is the meaning in a life without dreams?
..A life without love..what happiness is there?
Even if its not realised,i tried my best to chase my dreams and i tried my best to love someone,
therefore my life is not unfortunate nor pitiful...i'm more blessed than others..

2006-12-01T10:31:00.001+08:00

Went to jin xian's house with ben the other day to check it out,and it was cooler than we thought!He stayed on the highest level and when we went upstairs we climbed onto the roof of the building.Being on top feels good,you get the top of the world feeling,and the view is fantastic.

Looking at the stars with nothing obstructing your view is just different,but then we all got scared and decided to climb down.=x

Went to the gym and played soccer yesterday,stupid me played barefoot,and now there're two gigantic blisters on my soles which hurts like @!$!@$...can't even walk properly now.And it's friday already,time really flies,this weekend is going to be real lonely,my whole family's going overseas,and i decided not to follow.Kinda regret a lil,after all it has been a while since i'd been to Genting,and i do miss the night scenery too.

Oh well,i'd stick to watching my jap drama Taiyou no uta,and pray holidays don't end soon,work is still kinda piled up.

2006-11-27T20:13:00.000+08:00

After gym today me and dom went for dinner as usual,but today we were both so broke that we had to eat a breakfast set for it.

2006-11-27T15:49:00.000+08:00

For all the guys who don't know what hit them,and what to do to avoid when their wives,girlfriends,or mistresses goes into PMS mode,heres something funny i saw.Thought i'd share it..

2006-11-24T22:05:00.000+08:00

Thank you so much for today,i enjoyed it truly. =)

2006-11-20T19:28:00.000+08:00

No doubt it gets boring sometimes during the holidays,for some people when they get bored,they make parodies.But for people like me,i'd stick to watching them.Here's a justin timberlake's one,sexyback...or err...Paxilback..

2006-11-19T00:02:00.000+08:00

Just got home from a wedding dinner,and my stomach is still as bloated as it was.I totally regret taking that 3 bowls of bird's nest,i seem to be able to feel them floating around in my stomach.

Got there early,but it started an hour later,and during that hour it was the usual "interrogation" stuff."Do you remember me?" "What school are u in now?" "Got a girlfriend?" And the witty remarks, "Woah you don't look like before!" "Your eye lashes are long!" "Your eyebrows are thick!" and so on and so forth.And to those i merely smiled back weakly,and politely nod my head,after all what could i say?Especially when it came to the 'my name is not linked with my other two brothers'.

The bride was really pretty,and in her modern cheong-sam dress,she looked elegant.And i swear she looked like she came off the screen of your tv.They say that a woman is the prettiest when she puts on her wedding gown,and i have no qualms bout that.The sight of the bride and bridegroom was just what they call bliss i guess,together they seemed perfect.I've been to a number of wedding dinners in my life,and i've seen many couples over the period when i worked as a waiter.Today should have been no different,but it was.

I used to think that for two people to decide to get married and spend their lives together,it just needed something called love and then it was done.And therefore i never used to see two people getting married as special.But today,when i looked upon them,it dawned on me how special it was for two people to decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.It occurred to me that it takes a whole lot more,marriage is not something everyone can do with. A lifetime commitment,is definitely not all can commit to.

Finding someone that can,lies in fate,and then i wondered if i ever would find mine.Would i one day,be that man holding someone whom i want to spend the rest of my life with,and someone who feel the same.I always believed i would,but not anymore.I guess i've grown a little more,for i finally realised that it's not something that comes easy,and commitment is not everyone's cup of tea.

Tonight i walked away from the dinner with a smile different from that i used to carry before.
Tonight i smiled at them,cause i felt happy that two of them found each other,and that is no longer just what they call bliss and happiness.It's what I call now..

2006-11-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

And through the workshop came interesting quotes and a meaningful story about obstacles

Here's the story and most of you may have heard it before..

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.One day a small opening appeared.He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.Then it seemed to stop making any progress.It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it had and it could go no further.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly,so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of cocoon.The butterfly then emerged easily.But it had a swollen body and small shriveled wings.The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that,at any moment,the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body which would contract in time.Neither happened!In fact,the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.If god allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles,it would cripple us.We would not be as strong as what we could have been.And we could never fly.

And some meaningful quotes as well,

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared to believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.

-Bruce Barton

Destiny is not a matter of chance,it is a matter of choice;
It isn't a thing to be waited for,it is a thing to be achieved.

-W J Bryan

2006-11-16T19:59:00.000+08:00

Went to school for a physics workshop and it was just fun!

Saw this sign in the seminar room!

Something cool we made!Before pressing the bottle the thing floats...

...and after pressing...tadaa!It sinks!

We got to make ice-cream with liquid nitrogen!The thing thats smoking?Thats the liquid nitrogen.

The end product!And yes its yummy too!=D

2006-11-15T18:29:00.000+08:00

Went for a workout and then for a swim today,and i have finally realised what the age limit for a tattoo was for.All the fuss made about having to be 18 before you could actually get a tattoo on legally,is justified.

Because i saw a group of kids,probably in their 13s or 14s at the pool,and one of them had this tattoo of bubbles' head on his upper back.Imagine the above picture,without colour,and just the head alone.That kid probably got caught up in the powerpuff girls' craze that he thought it would be cool to actually tattoo his favourite character on his back.And this has to be the reason why the age limit is there,cause they're afraid that in a moment of stupidity,kids might do stupid things like that.I couldn't help thinking that one fine day,when he went to the beach,all grown up,topless.I'd bet my last dollar in my wallet that he'd get all the girls' attention.Well the girls that probably are still watching powerpuff girls of cause.

And today,after some thinking,i finally decided that i,need a dream or a goal to work towards to.Growing up throughout the years,i unknowingly lost all my aspirations and dreams.The brutal reality kicked in after the childhood days,and all the dreams i once had were shoved to a side.People who achieve things and people who are successful,all start with a dream,or an aspiration.

It gives something to work towards to,something to justify the hard work and something that motivates when coupled with desire.I remember my mom telling me bout this fifteen year old boy she came across once,when probed about his aspirations,he not only knew what he wanted to be.He knew at the back of his head,what was it that he had to do to get there,the exact path,exact amount of work to put in.

If someone were to ask me what i wanted to be now,it'd be a banker,but this aspiration is but something driven by money,and not passion.And today,i've decided i'm gonna do something,that is of use to people.Today,it's time to start dreaming,and working hard.

This time next year,i'm gonna sit in the exam hall,and i'm gonna know that the results of it,is gonna be the perfect birthday present to my mom.There is but one path for me,and it is where i shall tread.